How can you tell if a guy is wearing a $5,000 watch?

…Wait five seconds and he’ll tell you.

They say upon first meeting, a woman notices a man’s shoes and his watch. On the former, I’m in agreement. If I see a guy sporting square toe dress shoes or dad sneakers better suited for mowing than mating, I’m outta there. On the latter, not so much.

Would I prefer your timepiece be something classy and subdued…and not feature Mickey Mouse on the face, with his hands ticking away the minutes and hours? I suppose. But beyond that, I really don’t think much about your style of keeping time.

We’ve received blowback here for recommending watches that are…less than stellar, according to the watch aficionados who I imagine collecting timepiece trading cards. They get all up in arms (or is it wrists?) about the dial on this one, the bezel on that one.

“That is a crap watch,” they admonish. “I can’t believe you would even think,” they write, “that any man would wear that sorry excuse for a timepiece.” All of these comments, by the way, I read in a very proper British accent…that’s how you heard them in your head, too, right?

And honestly, that’s fine. I don’t claim to be an expert in men’s watches. I just know what, as a woman, I like to see guys wearing. I want to see you in trim suits. I want to see you in chukka boots. I want to see you tuck your shirt into your pants every now and then.

What I don’t want? I don’t want to hear about your watch that costs as much (or considerably more, if it’s really schmancy) than my rent. In the eternal words of Shania Twain, “That don’t impress-uh me much.”

Do you know who cares about the kind of watch you wear?

1. Other guys who obsess about watches
2. Women who can guesstimate your discretionary income before you’ve even introduced yourself

Okay, sure sure, there are women out there who take an interest in horology. And if that’s her thing and your thing, please marry one another immediately. Otherwise, your lecture over drinks to your date on the oscillations of quartz crystal at a precise frequency will probably fall on deaf and bored ears.

Personally, I think about beautiful watches the same way I do about the engine of a really fast car, or the process that goes into making a really smooth scotch. Very little.

Don’t get me wrong: having interests and passions is great. I just wouldn’t want men thinking (most) women assign you extra points for spending a small trust fund on your wrist.

Besides, if you want to geek out over your wristwear, there’s outlets for that! Specialty sites like Hodinkee, or maybe poker night with your buddies, maybe?

Finally, if you’re like me and watches don’t matter one way or another to you, but you’d still like a more stylish way to keep time than whipping out your phone on the :15’s, do yourself a favor. Go out and get yourself something simple, like a Timex – the J.Crew version is nice and you have lots of options for straps – or commit to a nice silver tank watch, and call it a day. If you want to go a little more polished or elegant, I think a leather band offers a nice touch. Beyond that, I can’t (won’t) offer too much help. If you like it – and it ticks – wear it.

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Looking for more style help? SG is here for you

If you’re ready to upgrade your style (watches not included, clearly lol) but dread the thought of shopping for new clothes…consider having Team SG shop for you! We’re obviously biased, but clients tell us we’re really great!

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DISCOVER 5 THINGS WOMEN WANT TO SEE YOU WEARING

Originally published Oct ’12

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Illustration by Jeremy Nguyen